Monday, August 23, 2010


Writing about Canadian punk-rock band Billy Talent’s live performance at the 3 Arts Theatre in Plumstead, Cape Town is what my initial intentions were. Or rather what my duty was – a 600 word blog in exchange for a red re-used RAMFEST media pass. Alas, post-interview – with the lead singer Ben Kowalewicz and drummer Aaron Solowoniuk – dutiful intentions got drowned with sips of whisky. But, whatever, intentions have never been my strong point anyway.

As I made my way across the grassy parking lot of the 3 Arts Theatre I felt nostalgic as I gazed, distracted, at the pre-20 crowd. I saw around me righteously rebellious renegades, full of youthful insecurities that they’ve managed to disguise with vengeful faces and provoking dialogues. I’d like to think that at 25-years-old I’ve found some sort of identity, happy that I’ve escaped those youthful years that were a whirlwind of heightened emotions and never-ending questions. But those years, in hindsight, have formed some of the best memories I have today. They were years of reckless abandonment, where anything was possible and I really had no idea of what being responsible actually meant.

And on 7th August I felt wrapped in the beautiful youthful energy that was resonating around me. Despite my lack of Billy Talent knowledge, I realized it was this distinct force that formed the fundamental elements of punk. A sub-culture that is raw and without expectations. Being able to lose inhibitions and not giving a shit. And I realized that this feeling, whether we’re talking about the ‘60s beat culture and free-love hippies to the massive acid-rave scene of the late ‘80s and then the big beat scene of the ‘90s to where we are today – the feeling has remained throughout.

So, with this in mind, I hoped I would find some common ground with the guys from Billy Talent. In my mind I imagine a night at CBGB’s in 1974. It’s not a pretty picture. I’m part of a hyped crowd that is ready to make a riot, whilst getting completely trashed… Cultivating controversy and spreading it to the streets.

Sadly, this scene was a world apart from what I experienced backstage with Ben and Aaron. Madly chewing gum, they too seemed to be in a mental place that was a world apart from the small room we all sat in. Indifferent and distracted, the mise-en-scène was surprising and resembled nothing compared to what I would imagine their influences – The Clash / The Specials – would have been.

“[They’re] just not that kind of band” that can tell of crazy festival experiences, and the draining experience I had in that backstage room was the exact opposite to what they delivered four hours later on stage. Maybe they were saving their energy, being a punk rocker these days must be demanding. Perhaps, after seventeen odd years of playing, interviews have become mundane and insignificant. Yet, I had naively hoped for an experience that had traces of a warm ‘80s night with The Dead Boys. This ain’t no Hot Generation no more. But I guess, like intentions, being politely objective has never really been my strong point either.

Words by Sarah Claire Picton

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


The Cyberpunkers have remixed it, and many people are still asking it... Who the f*** is Haezer? Whoever he is, the point is rather what he's been doing, not only to us locals but to the kids abroad as well. His message is hard, dirty and only going to get louder. Only recently back from touring Europe, Haezer is off to tour Australia to show them exactly who the f*** he is. Still trying to figure this question out for myself, I caught up with him just before he left. Check it out.

SCP: So Haezer….Who the f*** are you?
H: A Boerseun who makes music and likes to party

SCP: What do you do?
H: I press buttons and then people dance.

SCP: Where in Australia will you be touring and with who?
H: I'm touring Sydney, Wollongong, Perth, Melbourne, Brisbane and Canberra with GTRONIC.

SCP: Without using the word ‘electro’, please describe your sound?
H: dirty/gangsta/thrash/rock 'n roll

SCP: If you had to link one image/association/song/artwork/word/colour to yourself – what would it be?
H: I’ve always loved The Misfits’ logo.

SCP: Musically – what artist/collaborations inspire/influence you?
H: I grew up with beck, violent femmes and offspring. I then got more into punk and from there expanded into electronica/breaks/drum 'n bass and electro.
Now I generally listen to all genres, as long as it's good.

SCP: The first record/CD you ever bought?
H: Monster Hits 2

SCP: Current favourite artist/track?
H: Waterboys – ‘We Will Not Be Lovers’

SCP: Your European tour in 2010 – any crazy antics that went down that you could share?
H: A lot. In Warsaw, Poland the gig got cancelled because their sound system flipped out, so the promoter said he'll take us out and get us drunk... I don't think there was a corner of Warsaw where I didn't puke in by the end.

SCP: Your favourite moment of the tour?
H: Just seeing kids loving the music, and at one stage singing with to 'Smut Me'.

SCP: What can we expect from you when you get back from Australia?
H: I’ve got my EP with Tuffem Up! records, but also eight remixes I’ve done for various labels and two more
record deals in the works.

SCP: If you could play alongside any DJ for a night, who would you choose?
H: I would dig to play with SebastiAn.

SCP: Music - give me one word that you relate this to?

H: Life.

SCP: What elements make a killer track?
H: Good songwriting...if the composition is kak, no matter how good the production is, it'll never have a long lifespan. That’s why I like to use vocals in my tracks.

SCP: What’s been your best party so far this year?
H: I can honestly say that ALL the Assembly gigs are just so much fun.

SCP: What’s next for Haezer?
H: More touring and hopefully good memories and more EPs... no full album in the works just yet.

Thanks Haezer... can't wait till you are back on home ground! And also thanks to Adriaan Louw for providing the awesome photo.


Fuhrer is the brainchild of Shaun Gardner, Jason de Villiers and Sean Metelerkamp, and whether you like it or not Fuhrer is here to stay. Fuhrer is more than just a tee company – it’s a tangible example of brazened originality, from conception through to execution. These three like-minded creative’s, these three friends, have created a brand that is underground yet accessible, a brand that is causing glitches of social contest and a brand that speaks to the masses without using any audio aggression. Bold aesthetic dialogues of red, black and white say it all.

Despite only recently being stocked in astore – one of Cape Town’s ‘Cool Cape Town Kid’ stores – Fuhrer has been evolving since around early 2009. Shaun, Jason and Sean didn’t get ahead of themselves, and strategically let mechanisms fall naturally into place. Patiently, they spent time and money they didn’t have to do things the way things should always be done – with passion, professionalism and unpretentious perseverance. Don’t fuck with this trinity – Fuhrer knows their shit. I caught up with Jay to clear any neo-Nazi rumours, and to chat about the designs, concept and future of Fuhrer.

SCP: The designs – is there a theme that you have followed?

J: Not, exactly, we work on the aesthetic of the design first, Fuhrer has a set tone, which is quite abrasive, and the designs adhere to the tone, from the concept to the delivery.

SCP: What influences (styles/artists) are apparent in the first set of designs?

J: The designs have a graphic novel inspired feel to them, but interpreted in our own way.

SCP: How’d the name, Fuhrer, come about?

J: We wanted a name that spoke about authority, and the abuse of power. A couple others we thought of were Priest and Church. When Sean mentioned Fuhrer, we all said ‘yes’.

SCP: So, if no relation to neo-Nazism… then what does the name represent?

J: In the dictionary a ‘fuhrer’ is ‘a ruthless or tyrannical leader’. Africa has seen its fair share of furhrer’s, and we want people to realise that people in authority can easily be corrupted by power. Usually this realisation comes after the human cost. That’s why our logo is a rabid dog. Something that was once loyal, now in an aggressive frenzy. Aside from that we think it’s just a cool name for a tee company.

SCP: Finish this sentence:

“If I were a soldier I’d …”
J: “If I were a soldier I’d mutiny.”

SCP: The colours – black, red and white – these are bold colours that have, throughout time, been synonymous with revolutionary agendas. They are colours of power, force, defiance and passion… what do these colours means to you?

J: Exactly that, they are very bold colours. They’ve been used as the key colours for countless graphic campaigns; they were also the key colours of anti-apartheid poster design.

SCP: Maintaining a simple yet unabashed approach seems to show in your designs, would you agree with this?

J: Yeah, totally, the designs work mostly on concepts, which is unapologetic and quite raw. The style is a by-product of the concept.

SCP: The Fuhrer shoot directed by Sean Metelerkamp that took place earlier this year - what was the concept behind the shoot and how was it applied?

J: We created a photo-concept for each tee design, which in turn is going to form part of a viral for Fuhrer. It’s going to be mad.

SCP: Barks, balls and bullets aside, what is Fuhrer really about?

J: Getting shit done.

SCP: Do you have any other ideas in the making… such as rabid dog stickers perhaps?

J: Yeah, we have a whole bunch of ideas, but we’re not going to give any away just yet.

SCP: With Facebook continuing to shut you guys down, will your website be up soon? What can we expect to see on the site?

J: Yeah, Facebook really hates us for some reason; I guess they can’t see through the surface to who we really are. The website is going to be up by the end of this month and its going to be better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

SCP: Aside from astore – how else can we get hold of some tees?

J: On the website

SCP: Lastly, is Fuhrer going to release a ladies range?

J: This is something a lot of people have been asking us about, but for now, I can only say, ‘maybe, maybe not.’

Thanks J… and thanks Fuhrer – my rabid dog tee is a social lubricant that keeps on whetting the crowd.

Hello M F Nasty - A Cape Town Illustrator

Hello Mother F*&king Nasty is Shaun Gardner, a Cape Town illustrator who’s making a new name for himself with his unique employment of all things creative. When trying to dig deeper, in search of some report-style info, Hello MF Nasty was cryptic in his answers, leaving me with more questions than I intended to ask. It’s refreshing not to be verbally abused with philosophical arty explanations that always leave me with too much to write about, yet nothing real to share. And without much elaboration on the ‘what’s and why’s’ I had written down, it really comes down to self interpretation with Hello MF Nasty’s art work. Art is subjective, and it’s empowering to be given the liberty to make up one’s own mind whether there is some bigger meaning, or if things really are sometimes as they seem.
Hello MF Nasty’s eccentric style is a reflection of his multitude of influences. Mixing together, mashing up, juxtaposing ideas and mediums – technology meets tradition in his nasty style, where layers of innovation are cut out, drawn over and mixed in with an infusion of clean vectors. Postmodern elements are prevalent in his designs, specifically through his use of intertextuality and pastiche in style.
There are no absolutes in any of Hello MF Nasty’s work. Each work is as surprising and nasty as the one before. It’s as if each new design gives a little bit more of himself to the viewer – another piece to the human puzzle that is Hello MF Nasty. He leaves us hungry for more, not quite knowing what we’re even craving for. And he has earned respect with the levels of integrity and passion he shows in his art work.
Hello MF Nasty has been involved in various collaborations, with no intentions but to help out another like-minded creative, gaining experience and building a sick portfolio along the way. Some of his bigger projects have included all design work for rising rock/indie Cape Town band The Curious Incident, designing their album cover & amp; booklet, event posters and tees.
In terms of band collaborations, Hello Nasty is currently involved in design projects for new Cape Town band Jam Jar (, who describe themselves as “a spasm of electronic, a shiver of dirty, filthy, salt up your nose kinda bass”. Jam Jar is a glitch-rap duo: Soundproof and Bakaman, and they’re here to “tear your eardrums asunder with a cache of tracks ranging from dub step to glitch-hop, and all the other beat-stops in-between”.
Hello MF has also been involved with SCARAB Industry & Design, The Sunday Times and Calyx Art ( His latest exhibition has been with Calyx Art at Royale Eatery on Cape Town’s infamous Long Street. The exhibition is titled Ignore This, and Hello MF Nasty’s 'Kill Cool', 'The End' and 'When I’m Fill' are showcased. His artworks are a true expression of all his inspirations; Dash Snow, The Beastie Boys, E boy, Further, Swank, old skool horror posters, vintage adverts, B grade films and all that nasty behaviour that makes up the elements of the underground.
He is also involved in Fuhrer – a t-shirt design brand – along with Jason De Villiers and Sean Meterlerkamp. Together the trio are bringing back the essence of novelty to Tee design – keeping people on edge and causing a bit of trouble along the way… There are no niceties with Hello Mother F*&king Nasty, just pure creative nasty rendezvous.
Check out his FlickR – iamHelloNasty
Later punks.

One Person's Story of Saturday's at the Biscuit Mill...

So, in the Realm of Writing you get 'The Story', and then you the the STORY behind the Story'. You know. The Real Sh*t. The sh%t you won't find on Google...I guess, until it is blogged. I find in depth subject matter research highly important before I behind an article. I always do it, but sometimes never even print it (I can only work with pen and paper), let alone read it. It depends, you see, on what the story is really all about. And this story, well if you want the facts -here's a link to them - I'm giving you my experience.

Cape Town, like most major cities, provides it's citizens with a selection of comfort zones for the range of "crowds" it plays host to. The buccaneer wearing kids can tap tap streets away from the old school Reebok high-tops, a welcomed segregation of harmony...oh how the New South Africa has changed.

But, on a Saturday morning, The Neighborhood Market in Woodstock at the Old Biscuit Mill - situated near the once highly political zone District 6 - Cape Town is no longer a place that, at times, resembles a type of modern Lord of the Flies hierarchy. The peeps all hang out together, meandering amongst the chili plants and morning Bloody Mary's, mindful, I suppose, but in a pleasant way, of each others unique attributes. I feel a beautiful transcendent-like ambiance that crushes any type of social-city-trend-phobia. 

This - my - opinion could all be bullshit though. I start drinking my Bloody Mary's at 10am, usually have had an all-nighter before - so it could, to some, be a place of obnoxious freaks....all on a leash and licking their lamb chops feeding their fat German bellies burping beer burps in between loud, obnoxious conversations.

I doubt it though. I might always be a little tipsy. But the smiles I see....the smile on the little children (who do not drink)...on old grannies..on pregnant ladies...on a kaleidoscope of human differences, well, those smiles are real. And the lamb burgers with rocket are made with love and are so good I wish the Greek guy had a little stand next to my flat...and then another by my work. The fashion area is filled with love for buttons, and details, stitches and vintage brought back to life. The graceful, exquisite designs are truly a testament to the talent coming out of our CT fashion designers. I had a really significant point to tell you, but, found myself lost in thought and now that significant point has found a comfy spot amongst all the other one's I've temporarily (I hope) lost over my life time. Just like socks. All chillin' together. Maybe each thought sleeps in a sock, that way it can stay warm until I remember it.

Anyway, losing yourself in thoughts and dreams, escaping reality for a few hours is actually, for me, what Saturday's at the Market are all about. It's usually just myself and my Bloody Mary's. We roam around, and from above must look strange as I feel I am the only person not in a rush to get through to "the other side". It's those lamb burgers, I bet the Greek guy has some type of Japanese-like hand fan that he uses to transcend all those juicy little lamb smells across the

I love to roam alone, as a free agent I find clarity and peace. My intense, difficult, spontaneous, impulsive vices (to some) gifts (to others), are difficult for some to understand.

But at the market, as in life, I love walking around; internalizing, analyzing, questioning, blanking, sitting on the floor and having a smoke....just indulging in everything I possibly can. Being greedy with my senses. Feeding my heart, my intellect, humbling myself. It's good to realize that I am just another pea in the pod.

The Market, seen through my eyes; is a place that is everything a Saturday should really be about - music - in the form of chords, laughter, conversation, pancakes flipping, cameras snapping or draught spillage....of new vintage bright cotton red buttons and Lomo cameras, lucky beans for R5 and garden plants...

At the end of the day, this report has been written through my speckled blue eyes, and, albeit many arguing otherwise, I believe that every person has their own story. Everything is always subjective. Facts, and "truths", ideologies, trends, 'cool', whatever you like to call it is all really there to make life a collective price tag accessible product. It's up to you to make it real. And understand what integrity really means.

I hope one day you guys can come meander with me.


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

AM Stereo - [ F(uck) M(ainstream) ]

AM Stereo is Mark Ackermann and Steffan Olivier. They are Cape Town based electro
Producers and are currently in the process of writing Jack Parow’s
(Pastiche type Afrikaans Rapper's) second album.

This interview was conducted under much debauchery. It was scribbled in green highlighter on torn out lined paper and left on Steffan's decks amongst naughty left overs scattered all over, and with loud backround
beats disrupting any attempts to concentrate on writing legit questions.

However, Monday 8am it was surprisingly returned, all typed up and grammatically correct. As far as I could tell. I was still feeling the effects of Friday night. Clearly they were not, or, they had just
carried on through to Monday and felt better than ever. Hmm. Maybe 'm in the wrong profession. As of Tuesday though I think I'm in the right one. Some of you might know what I mean. ooo.

Anyway, this punctuality is just one example of AM Stereo's uncanny, bizarre and wonderfully surprising acts of commitment they employ in any endeavor they take on.

So, here goes: green highlighted silliness turned into typed sentences for all you inter-web kids to read. Enjoy.

1)Make a sentence from these words:
Cape Town
Hello fat friends

2) Favorite tunes:

Jack Parow – Cooler as ekke

3) You played at RAMFEST – Give 5 words that come to mind:

Camping, drinking, laughing, screaming, awesome.

4) Crystal Castles – What crystal would you keep in your castle(if you had one)?

Not Meth.

5) Finish these sentences:

Cape Town is… right next to Bellville.
I fucking love… free drinks.
I fucking hate… paying for drinks.
Cool is… debatable.

6) What do you do?

At the moment we’re writing beats for Jack Parow’s 2nd album.

7) Who are you?

AM MOTHERFUCKING stereo! Otherwise known as am STEREO.

8) Tell me something you’ve never told anyone before:

We have partial invisibility powers.

9) Trainers – which ones?


10) Music – What is it to you?

A cigarette after sex.

11) What makes Cape Town the mother city?

Breakfast at Arnold’s at 5pm.

12) Your best moment of tonight?

Realizing I have a jumping castle in my flat and I don’t know half the people on it.

13) Do you sleep naked?

Depends on where we were the night before.

Who’s the coolest person you know?

Riaan Cruywagen

Check these guys out yo. They on the up and up, round the bend, off the wall, a little bit crazy and totally cool. Whatever that means. Behind the scenes but not for long. Big up to you both, Steffan and
Mark. You rock every party I go to, and I can't wait to hear your new

Oh and kids out there, Adriaan Louw is a an insane photographer - so thanks Adriaan, and thanks Mark and Steffan for all the effort.

Peace out. Till next time.

Sarah Claire.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Happy Days !!!

My first feature in Onesmallseed ---> hopefully this will lead to opportunities that lift me up and carry me away !

Friday, March 26, 2010

my love for gonzo

Lomo Days

Is Less More ?

(a feature I'm working on for the next 021 mag issue)

Cape Town is our Mother City and a place of sensory explosion. Her changing landscape is extraordinarily beautiful; the mountain meets the ocean, and the city finds harmony in between. Cape Town is my sanctuary, and I know, that whilst the city’s streets will be moved upon by changing feet, the natural structures shall remain loyal. Many MNC’s like to bank in on Natural Beauty. Setting up borders with boom barriers, handing out day passes and guiding tour groups….we all end up living vicariously through The Council. And, let me tell you, this is no way to experience Cape Town. Especially if you only have R100.
A day in Cape Town for under R100 really is subjective. Travel, food, drink…primary expenses one cannot do without. Hunter S Thompson, in an interview with Matthew Hahn in 1997, refers to the metaphor of a tree falling down in a wood. You cannot hear it, but it did happen. Silent actions. This is the heart of my feature. You do not need any proof of your day to show to people when you get home. He or she will experience this, perhaps, in his or her own time. And if they don’t, well, they can just ask you. You will be able to tell a lot more than a present you could have bought for them would. So here is my day in Cape Town for under R100. Enjoy.

Breakfast – been granted as the most important meal of the day. Usually, for myself, Breakfast comes in the form of a dry double skinny Cap from Seattle, gulped down before I scramble into my office. But, this sets me back by R19. So, today, there will be no foamy black gold. And besides, today I am not dealing with any drones dressed in ‘suitable attire’. That’s what double Caps are really needed for. So, I head to Beleza on Kloof Street. This will be my starting point today.

Staying clear from ordering any coffee, I go for the trusted R12 fry up breakie. Being hostage to a R100 budget, I take pleasure in taking my sweet time carving my way through two pieces of toast, sunny side up egg, a fried tomatoe and two rashes of bacon. The great thing about Beleza is this breakie special is on all day. If you are up before 7 however, many little cafes in town will serve the Early Bird which will set you back about R10.

Long Street: A famed street, where the spirit of Cape Town is at its most obtuse. A straight stretch of concrete; Long Street wears a different face every day. Flanked with backpackers, the street is a constant runway for tourists, and if filled with the energy they exert. The Street is your base to explore the city. It is a fairyland, filled with goblins and hides many secrets. The architecture, a merge of Victorian and Art Deco style, creates an old-world ambience filled with new life.

The attraction of Long Street is that it offers a juxtaposed experience; where by high art meets popular culture and old blends with new. It is a street of textures; oil paintings, rich in colour, exist across the street from plastic retro creations and soft cashmere cardigans.

It is a street for all ages, all races, all cultures, all Everything. And each person has a favourite part. I cannot decide yours, however, I can try capturing the feeling you will come inhale. You do not need to reach for your wallet to be included the magic of the City. Why buy something tangible to trigger a memory you will not forget in any case? It all comes down to opening your eyes, your mind and your heart to the people, sounds, sights, smells and tastes around you. Forgetting my dogma falsely attached to Cape Town, I spend the next two hours exploring the mystique hidden behind each corner and in each smiling face.

Welcomed overdoses for my senses, my legs are tired and I crave the soft, velvety feel of grass. Cape Town is no Big Apple, but we do have our own inner city park – The Company Gardens. I find a spot under a tree and close my eyes, clearing my head. Time stands still and the rush of the city seems lifetimes away.

My next destination holds the promise of lunch and requires a return train ride that’ll set me back R13. I am off to Kalk Bay; a fishing village about 40 minutes outside Cape Town and a haven for all us city slickers. As I build invisible steam, the graffiti walls and hustled side-walks give way to ocean views and salty air. I feel like a child again, and I realize moments like these cannot be bought, with R100 or even R1000 000. I soak in the beauty of Kalk Bay; and bask in the energy of a culture that is a joyous blend of classes that celebrate life in his or her own unique way.

At the local store, I buy two bread rolls and a large packet of Simba Cheese & Chives chips, and a banana for later. This sets me back R7.5, and is my substitute to the traditional slop chips and fish all wrapped up in newspaper that I would usually opt for. I did check for a half portion size, but life in Kalk Bay is simple and complications and exceptions are avoided.

I sit on the harbour, surrounded by wooden fishing boats and bunch of young children running around in leaps and bounds, arms waving, all bright-eyed and rosy-cheeked. I miss those days. The ones made up of innocent hours.

I walk down the main station and find stores filled with obscure treasures; some old and some new, and all a small part that makes Kalk Bay the charming town it is. Second hand stores have given a home to past decade remnants, and you don’t really want to wipe away the dust off the dolls, books and hand-built yachts; it is the ashes of a life gone. A little magic dust that comes from a place far away.

With my thoughts still caught up in someone else’s past, I treat myself to a glass of pomegranate juice (R10) at a charming sea-side café, feel indifferent to the fear I had earlier felt of having only R100. So far, the money is really just an excuse for me to stay here longer. I am buying my time, one could say. I guess in a world of Capitalism and gross consumption, even time can be bought.

The train ride back is a sweaty interlude, and after arriving back at the station, I make my way, pushing and shoving, to the taxi rank. I follow directions that are shouted at me by various people, and hope to God I’m on the taxi that will take me somewhere close to Camps Bay.

A taxi ride in Cape Town is in its own right an experience like none other. Such as the motorized rickshaws are to India, the Taxi is to Cape Town. You’ll find yourself a sardine in a large automobile, that you pray has working brakes and a driver who has a licence and a sympathetic heart. It also costs only R5, and you rule the road. Pedestrians, cyclists, vendors, strays…you name it; everyone stays clear of The Taxi. Expect to go through a red robot and listen to some crazy base blasting through speakers that sound like they were used in a night club.

I get as far as Sea Point. I can’t really complain; I realize walking plenty is a given in a day limited to R100. Just behind me I can see the public Sea Point Swimming Pool. It’s a free refreshment opportunity here, I know. But time waits for no one and I have plenty on my agenda still to do! And, at least in the ocean I cannot see any pee that someone took the liberty of having. A 30 minute walk alongside the promenade, I am at Camps Bay – the gem of Cape Town’s Golden Strip. Beach vendors roam the ivory sand, luring topless sun bathers with popsicles and Coca-Cola. I grab a Popsicle (R6) and count my remains. (46.5)
The cold, menacing Atlantic Ocean engulfs me, and my whole body becomes a canvass of salty goose bumps. I’ve seen this landscape scene all in a post-card before, and I do find myself wishing a few certain others were here with me.
Its 4pm and the next two hours are dedicated to climbing Lions Head. As cliché as it might sound, this walk / hike really is a must do if you’re on a tight budget. I’ve prepped myself with essentials, which include walking shoes I stored in my backpack, a PowerAde (9) and an apple (2.40) The sun is still bright at this time, I reach the summit in sweaty smiles and as I gaze over the city below me I am filled with gratitude to be living in this city of wonder.

As the day draws to an end, I catch a taxi (R5) back to town and walk back up Long Street. A transformation from the day, the street is filled with night-time energy that’ll be used up in dancing and drinking, in mingling and laughter…all in all, in good times that will probably not be remembered tomorrow. But, fuck it, you know there will be plenty more to come.

I resist all the Nigerian hustles trying to sell me all sorts of goodies, and get myself a R10 boereworse roll that is dressed to impress with onions and three sauces. 6pm and I have about R20 left. A day of shenanigans, like this one, deserves a cold beer. And in the spirit of celebrating local, I head to Mixes bar and restaurant on Kloof Street to take advantage of 5 – 7 R7 beer special. One Black Label (R7) and an introduction later, I get up to leave in fear of presenting some kind tourist with a mid conversation yawn. I’m exhausted anyway. Eating the rest of my lunch-time chips I had shoved in the back pack, I find my way to the Salvation Army, where I will be spending the night. A shelter in Cape Town costs around R12 and this takes me to R98.9

So there! Cape Town not only can be done in R100, but in less! I retrace through my day and take thought at how my budget went to primary survival elements. If only I was a vampire who could chill in the sunshine. God, human consumption is a bitch.